There’s a concept in the world that our beliefs become our reality; that what we think about we bring about. Seems legit, perhaps, but what happens with all the unconscious thoughts? You know, the ones that are running rampant while we are busy repeating Louse L. Hay affirmations and doing our best to ‘be positive’?
And what happens when those thoughts quietly slip under the radar- even when you think you are self-aware?
Say, for example, you try really hard to eat well and exercise, but deep down you have always had doubt that you are ever going to be fit and healthy. And you just never seem to get there. Diets, supplements, burpees- nothing works.
Because every time you ate that huge piece of cake or didn’t go to the gym, the feeling of doubt got a little stronger. Over time that feeling became a much more solid pattern of thinking. It became a belief, and beliefs play hardball.
The doubts or fears we have about any scenario in our lives, or even a goal or idea, has a direct correlation with what we believe to be true about ourselves.
I am sharing this because I have recently come across this concept in my life as an overwhelming doubt that my relationship with my partner will work out. Yep. I recently found a big chunk of unhelpful shit-talk floating around in my head that states that all relationships would ultimately fail.
Nice. I also began to notice that when left unchecked, this belief was causing my ego to head out and collect piles of false evidence to back itself up. And if for some reason there wasn’t any to be found, then I would make some GODDAMIT. A lot of effort for something I didn’t even consciously choose.
When I stumbled upon this little gem of learning, the spiritual identity inside me started sprouting things like… “but hold on- where there is love, fear cannot exist, right? I love this person so I shouldn’t be afraid?”, and- “These beliefs that have simmered under the
surface for years will just magically and painlessly melt into nothingness if I do more yoga. Right? RIGHT?!”
Wrong again, Chiara!
Luckily for me, relationships are the perfect breeding ground for all of those doubts and fears that have been quietly bubbling away in my unconscious mind to show up. Right when I’m juicy and vulnerable. The love brought it out of me. It hurt a lot when I realised that I had held this belief without making a choice to do so. I felt robbed. But as with anything uncomfortable, I leaned into it, and learned that this doubt exists in me because of a deep cynicism around love.
You see my pretty, after one too many heartbreaks, Doctor Doubt (as I now not-so-fondly refer to him) had taken up a permanent residency in my heart and mind, and he wasn’t shy in telling me that ALL of the people I hold closest to me would eventually hurt me. I had given up on love without even meaning to. It had become my belief.
I am not saying love can’t replace fear; it can, and it absolutely does. With love in my pocket I will move through this limiting belief, and get even closer to a wholly authentic relationship with my partner and with myself. But in the moment when those doubts/fears/beliefs are standing in the way, you’re going to need something more practical than someone telling you to “love your way through it” or some other cliché.
These are the steps that have been working for me.
Get curious. Seek out the doubt.
Identify what is the “belief in yourself”? Find its location, invite it in, then listen closely to its back-story.
Doctor Doubt has had your back for a good reason since that story started, and he won’t be too happy about being given marching orders. Be a patient patient. Eat all the fucking ice cream. Or talk to a spiritual healer, a therapist, or both if you need to- do whatever works for you.
Hey, thanks Doc. It’s valuable to remember that the beliefs we hold on to are a reflection of our experiences, and the ones you have kept with you have been there to keep you safe. Thank them for existing, then let ‘em go.
Create the alternative.
The great thing is, once you have identified what you don’t want, you can replace it. Visualise. Fantasise. Hold the vision of what you do want. By looking at the doubt closely, you open up the opportunity to replace it with the good stuff. So make your vision as big and beautiful as your authentic heart desires.
This is powerful stuff!
Believing in yourself will only get you so far my love. You need to be open to creating an honest relationship with who you are right now, not who you want to be, to truly create what you want in your life.
By looking at our current beliefs openly, we dramatically shift our consciousness. We are able see our unhelpful behaviours for what they are, which then gives us the opportunity to make healthier, more conscious choices.